


Great Lengths

by UnshoddenShipper



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Gift Fic, Holidays, M/M, in more ways than one eyyy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-14
Updated: 2016-12-14
Packaged: 2018-09-08 13:01:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8846113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnshoddenShipper/pseuds/UnshoddenShipper
Summary: "Look. I went to great lengths to get this for you." Grif waggled an envelope for emphasis. "The least you could do is open it somewhere private."Simmons snatched it lightly. "Did you print me a dickpic?"





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [slambam](https://archiveofourown.org/users/slambam/gifts), [FreysGalli](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FreysGalli/gifts).



"Grif, wha-"

"Look. I went to great lengths to get this for you." Grif waggled an envelope for emphasis. "The least you could do is open it somewhere private."

Simmons snatched it lightly. "Did you _print_ me a dickpic?"

"I can't believe you'd think I'd give you a dickpic for the holidays!" As Grif watched, his parter turned the envelope over inquisitively.

"I wouldn't be very shocked." Simmons glanced up. "That's all I'm saying."

"I'd at _least_ glue some swarvoski crystals on it."

"It's 'Swarovski'."

"Will you open the fucking folder already? I'm dyin' here."

Simmons shrugged, and dug a finger under the impeccably lick-and-stuck envelope. At the first tear of paper, Grif's face fell.

"Wait."

"Oh for fuck's sake!" Simmons huffed.

"I don't know if I should be here when you open it."

Dick dropped his arms. "Well make up your mind! Now you've got me curious."

"Try and guess."

"What?"

"The gift. Try and guess what it is."

"A thousand dollars."

"Better."

The corner of Simmons' mouth tugged up.

"The deed to a house."

"Think.." Dex fanned his hands out, like a Hollywood executive. "Bigger."

"All of my paperwork, done and filed. ..No! In alphabetical order."

"Jesus! _That's_ what's better than the deed to a house?"

"Fuck, Grif, I don't know!" An exasperated drink of Simmons' vegan coconut milk hot chocolate. The Red sighed, long-suffering- and placed the mug down.

"Now can I open the fucking envelope?"

"Fine. ...But I have to leave."

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah." Dexter grabbed his hot chocolate- important!- and stood.

"Have fun with that." The shorter man sipped his mug, eying Simmons playfully over the rim. "But not too much fun."

Simmons blinked at him. Then in a flurry, he was tearing open the envelope.

"Oh, shit!" Grif fled, but he wasn't even out the door by the time Simmons gasped.

"Are you serious??" he cried again.

"No! It's fake!" Grif yanked the door open. "It'll burst into smoke in ten seconds!"

_"Grif!"_

But Grif pushed his back to the door, rolling out and flipping Simmons the bird as he sucked down some Nestle™. But don't think Dick didn't catch the smirk on his face!

Richard looked down at the photo in his hands. Easy and warm, a smile wrinkled around his eyes.

"...Wait a second."

Simmons craned around, folding an arm on the back of the couch. "GRIF! Who'd you even get to take this?!"

**Author's Note:**

> art by plaguedrsacha on tumblr dot com! thank you again!


End file.
